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Save her. [08 Sep 2006|04:37pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Jessica will be 16 in November.

Yesterday I found out that she might have cervical cancer. Her tests for it came back abnormal so the doctors have to check her again to see what is really wrong with her. They think it's cancer.

Have you ever prayed that if someone you loved had any physical ailment that it should be given to you? I did today. She might not be able to have kids. I pray that my ability to will be given to her. She might have to live with cancer. I could only wish that it would be given to me instead.

I really hope it's not cancer, just a misunderstanding. My fingers are crossed.

9 truths| and dream i do

Deadly. [25 Aug 2006|08:59pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I noticed today that the leaves on this old oak tree were changing color. I don't know whether or not it was because of it's age but I hope not. I love autumn.

I love watching the atmosphere around me fall into dissolution. The smell, the beautiful colors, the feel of that time of year always makes me smile. Every season has a different smell to me and above all I love fall. Soon after the world here will be dead and I can't wait. Summer is tormenting me.

Soon everything will die.

2 truths| and dream i do

Probably No one. [19 Feb 2005|07:27pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Ask me 4 questions.
-Any 4, no matter how personal, private or random.
-I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
-In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you

2 truths| and dream i do

[15 Jul 2004|12:24am]
[ mood | sad ]

 Banner    by  famous_tragedy.  This journal is now friends only.  If you want to be added then leave a comment.</span>

3 truths| and dream i do

Flowers [18 Mar 2004|10:07pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Days before Valentine's Day, I went to the store and bought some roses. They're metal, the kind that lasts forever. Two of them I reserved for some very special people. I hold them now in my hands.

I never had the chance to give them away. One was very important to me, a sort of symbol of love, but I doubt that it will ever reach his hands. It hurts me so much to see them. They make me feel so alone.

Maybe I'll throw them away.

Who said love was for everyone anyways?


and dream i do

[12 Mar 2004|11:57pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

It's funny how time erases so much. Everything that you once were, everything that you hold dear, you don't remember.

I can't remember.

All that you clung to and all that made you happy somehow disappears. You leave your Age of Innocence and enter into madness, trading everything once beautiful for the real world.

There's nothing left for you anymore. You fall so far. You begin ignoring all that is true. Everything that they all say to you you block out.

Lost in ignorance and resentment.

I looked for God again and I found Him. I fall down before Him and I'm not lost anymore.

and dream i do

Boredom from Hell. [05 Mar 2004|02:40pm]
[ mood | Help Me! ]

I wonder, can a person actually die from boredom? I really do think I am about to. I'm waiting, my mother isn't here yet. I'm about to go to Brittany's house, my salvation. She made me print off some pictures of Lestat. Woo hoo. Robert called me and left a horrible message. Don't these people have anything else better to do? Obviously not.

My weekends suck. I need something better to do. Robert is about to get with Heather! Yay! That's the only happiness I feel right now.

I think I'm dying. Ahh.

and dream i do

[04 Mar 2004|09:46pm]
[ mood | I have no mood. ]

I hear often people say that a person's number one fear is the fear of the unknown. I agree with this statement but then I wonder: aren't people afraid of knowledge? I haven't decided yet what I believe or understand more.

Another thing, why do people tend to denounce the unusual? We are all guilty of this even when we are the unusual. I hate when people talk about the insane. They did not ask to be how they are. They gradually fell into that state after so many years.

Really though, none of us have any right to speak out against another. We are all different. I'd like to meet another like me! Sometimes, I loathe all I've become but then I realize how truly beautiful I am. Underneath poverty, desolation, depression, and tears there is a person that I lost a long time ago. I will find her again and no longer be what I am now.

But it's all okay. Everything will be alright. No matter what, I'll smile.

and dream i do

[26 Feb 2004|10:40pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like "Diamonds in the

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

You belong in the world of darkness and are a part of the despair.
You belong in the land of darkness, otherwise known
as one of the worlds in which I dwell. All here
is beauty inspired by tragedy and great sorrow.
Write or go through other creative outlets to
express the anguish you may be feeling, and
never let anyone tell you that you are just
being 'weepy' or full of 'teenage angst'(if
you're a teenager.If not, then they really
should be punished for calling you one. They
probably are trying to insult your
maturity...fools.)and always remain yourself,
dark and amazing. Never change.

Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
brought to you by Quizilla


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

Your: Mysterious eyes. All in the title. Your independant secretive and myseterious. You appear cold and distant, but hey, at least no one messes with you.
Your: Mysterious eyes. All in the title. Your
independant secretive and myseterious. You
appear cold and distant, but hey, at leats no
one messes with you.

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
GAME BOY - Born to Play
A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven albums.
Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.

Your Personality type is the only type that would
like this cool Vampire Game:


What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

your a very hidden person in my eyes i see you hide
things away by playing video games so you can
leave this world and enter another...this could
possibly have something to do with your past
life. unless you just like playing video games.
(will you rate?)

in my eyes you are...(pics and different outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are night, you are dark and mysterious, you
have more than likly been through some kind of
truma, depression. you have a creative mind,
and more than likly find peace enjoyment in
drawing, painting, writing. You are closed and
hidden away from people, and hide you emotions
behind a wall which you use on people. Try to
become more open, spread your creativity, you
have no idea of how many people there are out
there like you, exposing your art and yourself
can make other people come out, so many people
would look up to your for your courage and your
spirit, your not evil or bad, just
missunderstood, so get out there and show them
just what you are made of, don't worry about
what other people think, it's what you think
that really matters. Please rate this quiz!!!

What Element Would You Rule Over If You Were A Vampire?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are...a  L o n e r...
You are a LONER. Tho u like being with other
people, it's nice to have some time for
yourself too. And sometimes people are
annoying...so it's better to be alone and do
whatever you like. So yeah...go away!

Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!!
brought to you by Quizilla

and dream i do

[26 Feb 2004|10:27pm]
Playground school bell rings again.
Rainclouds come to play again.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to.

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream.
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide.
Don't cry.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.
I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday


If there was one song that I would chose to describe me, this one would be it.
and dream i do

"When we two parted" [12 Feb 2004|01:42pm]
[ mood | I can't tell... ]

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever the years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder, thy kiss,
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.
The dew of the morning
Sunk, chill on my brow,
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame,
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear,
A shudder comes o'er me...
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well..
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

-Lord Byron

and dream i do

"And I can't love you anymore than I do" [10 Feb 2004|09:38pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

One night, I was having a lovely conversation with someone about love and if it ended. They said yes, that they supposed that there is a point to where the heart would explode. I asked them if love was really felt in the heart.

I didn't believe that it was. I didn't know what it was.

I was wrong.

I now know it comes from one's heart, even as I feel it breaking at this moment.


and dream i do

The 'closed universe theory' or God's fowl games? [27 Jan 2004|09:55pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm sure that everyone has had a time in their life when something seemed oddly familiar. It's almost as if they had been there before, like time was repeating itself. It happens to everyone whether or not they realize.

Has it not occurred to anyone that this might determine where we will be tomorrow, a year from now, or even how we will spend eternity?

First, let me start by explaining the 'closed universe theory' to those who haven't heard of it. It is only one of many theories to try and explain what the universe is and how it functions. Well, this particular idea states that the universe has boundaries. What lies beyond these forbidding walls are a mystery to all. Everything bounces off of these barriers, including time. Basically, time repeats itself and what we are now is what we once were also.

So, we continuously repeat our lives. Time always bounces back. That is why we all have a sort of awkward memory of our past.

Our subconscious mind remembers it all. That is why there are so many prophets or people that can explain or predict the future. Their subconscious minds somehow have gotten through to them and they see all that shall happen. But this is only for those who believe in the fortune tellers.

But, what does God have to say in all this? Would this not state that he isn't real? Or, instead of the 'closed universe theory' we could be playing parts in His memory. We relive all that He has let happen before. He takes us back to try and fix all that he has done wrong. And, again, this is only for those who believe in God and His mercy.

Maybe He toys with us after all, though. He is Almighty and can do as he pleases with us, after all. So, basically, He plays with us then kills us?! We are nothing but meager mortals to Him. We are nothing and He knows this.

As for me, I chose not to believe in either. It's just nice to every now and then ponder the ideas of creation and religion.


(Maybe I think to much. And this is barely the beginning.)

and dream i do

Christopher, My Darling. [19 Jan 2004|02:55pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

A friend once told me "Sympathy is for the weak," which I thought was a wonderful quote until he added "That is why they should die slowly". Even though he is gone now, every word of enlightenment that he had once spoken leaves footprints in my memory.

He was very special to me and still is. He always knew how to make me smile and how to brighten my day. I anticipated every weekday just knowing that I would see him.

I love you and miss you, Ryan Christopher Fitzgerald. I'll write to you every time the chance passes by and I'll await your arrival back here with us.

(I never knew I could miss someone so much.)


and dream i do

Heaven Tonight [03 Jan 2004|10:11pm]
[ mood | content ]

I hold your hand in mine
I hold your hand and you’re so lonely
Oh so lonely
Your eyes have lost their light
Your eyes have lost their light and you’re empty
Oh my God you’re so empty

(I’m in love with you)
You are my heaven tonight
(I’m in love with you)
You are my heaven tonight

Trying to find the heart you hide
Trying to find the heart you hide in vain
Oh in vain
And you’re my haven in life
And you’re my haven in death, baby
Life and death my darling

(I’m in love with you)
You are my heaven tonight
(I’m in love with you)
You are my heaven tonight
(I’m in love with you)
You are my heaven tonight
(I’m in love with you)
You are my heaven tonight
(I’m in love with you)


That’s right
(I’m in love with you)
That’s right
(I’m in love with you)
That’s right
(I’m in love with you)
That’s right
(I’m in love with you)


and dream i do

Forsaken by Disturbed [27 Dec 2003|01:18pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I'm over it.
You see I'm falling in the vast abyss.
Clouded by memories of the past.
At last I see.

I hear it fading.
I can't speak it.
Or else you will dig my grave.
You feeling, finding, always whining.
Take my hand now be alive.

You see I cannot be forsaken.
Because I'm not the only one.
We walk amongst you feeding, raping.
Must we hide from everyone?

I'm over it.
Why can't we be together, embrace it.
Sleeping so long, taking off the mask.
At last I see.

My fear is fading.
I can't speak it.
Or else you will dig my grave.
You feeling, finding, always whining.
Take my hand now be alive.

You see I cannot be forsaken.
Because I'm not the only one.
We walk amongst you feeding, raping.
Must we hide from everyone?

You see I cannot be forsaken.
Because I'm not the only one.
We walk amongst you feeding, raping.
Must we hide from everyone?


and dream i do

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